Dear Abby: My friend ended our friendship because I was dating a married man

Dear ABBY: A close male friend, “Will,” ended our friendship without warning. I didn’t know he had such strong feelings about my current arrangement. I have dated a married man, “Bart”, whose wife suggested he get a boyfriend if he wanted sex/intimacy/companionship. She also told him she “wouldn’t want to sleep with him anymore.” It’s been 10 years since they were last intimate or even shared a bed. They don’t live together; Bart lives in his guest house. They have a son, so he doesn’t want to leave.

As a parent, I understand. This is why I stayed in my marriage for so long. The circumstances are less than ideal and something I never thought I’d be a part of, but I haven’t felt this great in years. My ex-husband and I were never that compatible. When I’m with Bart, it’s magical and I believe it’s mutual.

For this choice of mine, Will has severed our friendship. He made it your text. I had told him about this two weeks ago and he advised me to be careful. He called Bart and me “cheats”, but that’s not exactly the case. I am deeply saddened by this loss. I want to know if Will is wrong or if I am. – NO SCAMMERS IN ARIZONA

Dear NO Scammers: Does it matter who is “right or wrong” at this point? Your friend Will disapproves of your relationship with Bart because of his marital status and has chosen to distance himself. That is his privilege. You made a grown up decision to get involved in this relationship and it cost you a friend. Live your life, but don’t be shocked if others feel the way Will does.

Dear ABBY: I have been dating an amazing guy for the past six months. Our relationship is great, but he has an ex who is much younger than us (a 16 year age difference). He started seeing her while she was pregnant by someone else. He stayed with her until she was 3 years old, but, based on the circumstances, she continued to take the child for weekends, etc. He is not on the birth certificate, but the baby knows him only as her father.

My problem is ex. She keeps calling or texting him for money or to say she bought things for the little girl. She’s called him over to hang out, and recently asked him to co-sign a new car for her.

I’m not okay with no boundaries and I’ve said that. He listens to me and has told her several times to back off, but she doesn’t listen. It’s causing arguments between us. The child is not his actual child, but that fact obviously isn’t changing anything. Should I leave? – THIRD WHEEL IN THE EAST

DEAR THIRD WHEEL: Your boyfriend is clearly attached to the little girl. You cannot change this, nor should you try. That said, he’s still with you, despite the fact that his ex might try to get him (and his financial support) back. It’s not something I can answer if you have to grit your teeth and put up with it. However, your boyfriend can, and whether you should leave is a question you should ask him.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.