Dear Abby: My boyfriend hates that I won’t quit work to see his abusive mother

Dear ABBY: My boyfriend’s mother has dementia. He asked me and my children to live with him and said he would marry me. In return, he expected me to quit my job and take care of his mother. I felt it was a disaster waiting to happen, and caring for someone with dementia while raising two teenagers was a terrible idea, so I declined.

He put his mother in a nursing home and now I am not treated the same by him. The woman is violent. She hits and bites and is not easy to deal with. Living with him would have destroyed our relationship and would have been stressful for my children. My boyfriend is not the easiest guy to open up to. I’m sad and I don’t know what to do. – A LOT TO HANDLE

VERY DEAR: When your boyfriend proposed, it wasn’t because he loved you. He was looking for an easy (for him) solution to his mother’s problem. Expecting you to quit your job and sacrifice your retirement benefits was nerve wracking.

You are not trained to care for a violent dementia patient. He treats you differently because he is angry that you did not follow his plans for you. What you need to do now is move on, because his resentment is unlikely to subside.

Dear ABBY: For our entire relationship, my wife has never listened to me. It’s literally the only thing I’ve ever asked him to do. She constantly tells me I have nothing worthwhile to say without ever letting me finish a sentence.

My mother is getting some money and offered me a substantial amount on the condition that I don’t tell my wife. I’m seriously considering “taking the money and running”. I can no longer deal with the constant emotional abuse. My wife treats her children the same way and it disgusts me. What should I do? – TENDERED IN CANADA

DEAR TEMPTED: If things are as bad as you described, talk to a lawyer and legally declare your independence. Once it’s over, take your mother up on her generous offer.

Dear ABBY: When I got married in 1974, my mother had one of my wedding photos in my wedding dress and holding my bouquet. It was lovely and she made it into a large 36 inch by 26 inch portrait with a beautiful frame. It hung in my old bedroom until she passed away. I’ve had it in a closet in my house ever since.

I have asked my daughter and son if they would like to have it, but they don’t. I’m wondering if I should throw it away or leave it to them when I go. Because we’ve always had a loving relationship, I don’t want either of them to feel bad about taking it away. – PHOTOS OF THE FUTURE

DEAR PHOTO: You must be sentimental about that portrait or you wouldn’t have kept it all these years. Because of this, I don’t think you should throw it away. After you’re gone, your daughter or son may change their mind about having it. Let them decide when the time comes.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.